The above pic actually represents this post’s title LITERALLY. ‘Old Wine in New Bottle‘, curious as to how did I manage to do that? Well, it’s a long story…NOT.
Anyways, after I bought a French Wine for my relative from Paris Airport- the Charles de Gaulle Airport (as it’s a long held custom to buy Wine or other drinks at the Airports for the relatives since it’s duty free there)& after many failed attempts at opening the bottle by her, I volunteered to take the bottle to a restaurant with a firm belief that the bartender there would be able to achieve that. But, alas, he not only failed to open the bottle but even managed to damage the bottle’s mouth.
I then decided that enough is enough! In this day & age of Google & YouTube, it’s actually quite a shame if I will fail in opening a Wine bottle. So as soon as I reached home, I typed HOW TO OPEN A WINE BOTTLE AT HOME in YouTube’s search bar. A Farmer may never know for sure if he will get sufficient rains for his crops that year & these days even a Film Director may never know for sure if his/her films will hit the theaters without some group (who by the way haven’t even watched the movie) taking offense to the content & protesting against the release. But one can always be sure of getting more than 100 results about any random thing that you type in the search bars of both Google & YouTube.
Anyways, the very 1st result instructed me in some unknown language that if you keep the bottle in a shoe and hit it against the wall, the cork will come out. Since the wall in my backyard was the only place that I was allowed to practice this on, courtesy my mother, I marched there with all the confidence that my attempts will yield result in the very 1st try. 1st knock, nothing happened, 2nd knock, nothing happened, the 3rd, 4th, 5th & 6th attempts also yielded the same result. Since that wall is a common wall between us & our neighbours, there was a very good chance that they would have called the police. I wouldn’t have blamed them if they had done so, because if I had heard some weird knocks on my wall at 11.30pm I would also have thought that it’s definitely some thieves at work. And since I didn’t want to open the door to the cops holding a Wine bottle placed in my Dad’s shoe, the 1st attempt was dropped.
After cursing the YouTube for giving this result at the top of it’s list, I scrolled down further. The next one appealed to me even more, it showed as to just how easily you could open a Wine bottle with just A KEY. Quickly borrowing my mother’s car key, I set to work. I was successful in inserting the key into the cork, with confidence building & with my mother standing beside me & continuously bombarding me with suggestions, I then turned the key. According to the video the cork was to dislodge & rotate along with the key, mine stayed where it was, no matter how much I tried only the key rotated. Finally reaching the ends of my patience, when the key was given a particularly hard twist, the cork dislodged but instead of coming out it went inside the bottle.Not an exact representation.
Sigh, with no other option left I hit the search bar of Google again, this time to see if & for how long can the wine be stored in plastic bottles? after getting the results & reminding myself to tell my relative to use the wine within 6 months, the wine was transferred from it’s Glass bottle to a ‘New plastic bottle’. I could actually hear the Glass bottle cursing me in a very colourful language & see the plastic bottle dancing in abandon for having a vintage wine within it.
So the next day, armed with the plastic bottle with wine in it, I paid a visit to my relative. Feeling very sheepish, I rang the door bell and as she opened the door, I held out the bottle to her. When she turned a puzzled expression towards me, I told her that it’s her French wine. She was like “Ok, stop joking. I know it’s Coke/ Pepsi in that bottle, where’s my wine?” And when I explained to her the whole story behind how her wine came to be in that plastic bottle, she was speechless for a few minutes. “Oh ok, but hey a wine is a wine, what does it matter if it’s in a plastic bottle or in a glass bottle right? It still tastes the same”. Don’t know if she was saying this to console me or herself. Saying so she went inside to store the wine. I left out a dejected sigh as she left because no matter what, a glass bottle adds it’s own charm & beauty to the wine that’s unmatched by a plastic bottle. Well, for the next 6 months my relative has to turn a blind eye to the container and just focus on enjoying the wine.
While cleaning up after dinner that night, I blamed the whole fiasco on that bartender & of course on YouTube. While my mother, who I believe has more faith on YouTube than on her own daughter, simply said that I hadn’t followed the instructions correctly, if I had, the wine would still be in it’s glass bottle. Sigh, maybe she is right.